Experiences of women who took the “Toad to Prince” challenge by Dr. Noelle Nelson, author of “Your Man is Wonderful” are good soul mate tips. Today, with permission, I am sharing what first place winner Kelli from Alabama wrote:

“My main focus was to praise and appreciate my mate, and notice all the good things he does. On the first day, I met him when he drove in from work. I said the most ridiculous thing, ‘You sure are good at parking that truck. I don’t think you’ve ever driven on our grass.’ I expected him to laugh and give me that ‘you-gotta-be-kidding,’ look. Instead, he beamed with pride. Later, we were putting away laundry and I looked at the stack of towels, all lop-sided and mismatched, that he had just put away. I said to him, ‘Thanks for folding those towels so nicely. That was a big help! It was unlike me to say that; it even felt awkward just speaking those words. Again, expecting a sarcastic remark in return, I got a kiss and ‘you’re welcome, honey.’…OMG! Sweet! This (contest) has been the most eye-opening experience. I started out believing I was going to change this man’s behavior. Instead, I learned that it was my changing behavior making the difference.

Patrick was 19 and Lisa was 15 when they met as dance students. They married in 1975. When talking to People Magazine about the secret to their long-term marriage, Patrick said, “You gotta keep the friendship alive, gotta keep interested, gotta keep remembering it’s not about you, but it’;s about us.”

In their book, “The Time of My Life,” Lisa writes, “Writing this book gave us the opportunity to explore the journey of our lives. Finding our story both illuminating and unexpected, we ultimately find within it a strength, richness and deep love that will, and has, always endured.”

And in the book from Patrick, “there’s my relationship with Lisa. I can’t even begin to express what she has meant to me over the years….I can no more imagine life without her than I can imagine living without my own heart.”

PARICK AND LISA HAVE LIVED WHAT IT MEANS TO BECOME SOUL MATES.

Who comes first in your mind and thoughts? Hopefully, your partner has the top spot. Do somethig nice for him/her every day. Stay interested in what he/she does or says. Worry more about whether you are being a good partner than whether your partner is being a good mate to you.

Be more patient and kind to the person who means the most to you. Stay open to listening. Try not to judge. Be open to learning more about why you each behave and believe the way you do. Accept your partner. Don’t try to change him/her. Then enjoy each other every day.

In a relationship you start out at zero. What you put into the relationship is what you probably will get out of it. If you put nothing in or get nothing in return it is like investing in a bank that has gone bankrupt. That kind of relationship is a loser.

The quality of the relationship is based on the same principle. The better you are to your partner, the happier he/she will be and that means he/she will more likely be warm and thoughtful to you. Usually you get what you give. If that doesn’t happen there is something wrong with that relationship.

The Sacramento Bee recently asked Brenda Novak, romance writer, for some ideas on how to make love last. She gave eleven suggestions. Number one: “Avoid negative thought patterns.” Some men and women get attention and strokes by being victim. These men will joke in negative ways about their partners with their friends. They talk about their partner’s “bitching” about everything. Women complain to friends about always having to plan things to do or that their partner doesn’t do his share. She always has to do everything.

It is difficult to live with a negative partner. It is hard enough for anyone to practice focusing on what is going right, but when you live with someone focused on what is wrong it makes it even more difficult. So take Brenda’s number one suggestion seriously.

On a scale of one to ten where do you fall today in soul mate behavior? How about hello’s and good-by’s? Time spent talking, hugging, kissing, cuddling? What is he/she wearing? Did you notice? Have you been bitchy or understanding? Negative or positive? Critical or encouraging? Have you found something to enjoy? How often have you laughed? Have you done something for yourself?

We all need a check-up once in awhile. Today is all you’ve got. Treasure each moment. If you are with the one you love, today is a good day. Thank God for it.

“It’s such a contradiction to have something so normal come from something so manic”, Harris is quoted as saying in People magazine. She is talking about her relationship with Ed Swiderski. I think this is no more “normal” than the $60,000 custom designed platinum and diamond Neil Lane ring Ed gave Jillian.

What do viewers of “Bachelorette” think about all of this? Do you believe the show proves that soul mates are out there waiting to be found? What are the odds that relationships created on television will lead to lifelong soul mates?

I am sure you knew that it was inevitable that I would comment on this couple. Another highly visible celebrity couple blow up their marriage. The couple are taking eight small children, Mady and Cara, 8, Aaden, Alexis, Collin, Hannah, Leah, and Joel, through the pain of divorce. They join thousands of children from “broken families.”

Studies show that divorce is hard on children. The younger the child the harder it is. That is because young children cannot think abstractly until they are about 7 years old. They believe that if they were more acceptable and good, their Mommy or Daddy would not leave.

You can prevent this from happening by beginning to learn how to do relationship before you have children. Having children brings big change. It is a challenge to learn how to keep intimacy intact after children arrive.

David believes that the secret to making any marriage work is to have fun together. “Your kids have to come first, but you have to also spend time together as a couple,” he says in People Magazine. David and Victoria celebrated their 10th anniversary in Seychelles, France. They had romantic meals and sat out until 5 in the morning every night talking and enjoying each other.

IF YOU WANT TO BECOME SOUL MATES, YOU MUST MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER!

When we were at Sea Ranch I read a powerful book, “Marie Avinov” by Paul Chavchavdze. This amazing love story shows how a strong woman survived miraculously
one of the bloodiest and most chaotic periods in world history. It is a true story. It is the kind of story that will impact your life and thinking.