In her book, “The System Made Me Do It”, Susan lists challenges that can also be applied to relationship:

…..Lead without being on top
…..Compete without doing others in
…..Learn as much as you can without getting in over your head
…..Be computer savvy without sacrificing face-to-face communication
…..Love both yourself and others
…..Respect life in all of its forms

I would add another challenge from our experience. Love God with your heart, your soul, and your mind. Getting priorities straight will make the rest much easier.

In Susan Osborn’a book, “The System Made Me Do It!”, she talks about how to change systems. Some of her advice can be applied to creating good relationship:

“Honor different ways of looking at the world. Eliminate unnecessary conflicts by building structures based on harmony. Convene meetings to practice using tools for conflict management. Confront differences, not each other. Engage in exercises to reduce defensive behavior. Focus on common ground rather than on who is right and wrong.”

Ah! If only we had learned these principles as children growing up, there would be fewer divorces and more soul mate relationships.

Everett and I have spent hours talking to each other about everything from what happens to people when they die to what we like to eat. We have told each other our stories and they never get old. Last week Ev shared something I had never heard.

We were talking about how we developed a sense of self when we were children. He said when anyone came to their house to visit, he would run to the bathroom, wash his hands and face and comb his hair. He wanted to look presentable. None of his four brothers or two sisters did that and no one ever told them to. That was a part of his own developing sense of self.

Our getaways provide opportunities to sit and reflect, share our ideas and opinions, and talk about the books we are reading. As we grow older we talk about values, lessons learned, our hopes and fears for our family. We continue to be very different persons, but our connection gives us blended wisdom–a soul mate benefit.

The book, “The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper” has 11 chapters beginning with “Friends and Enemies” and ending with “Beauty and Aging.” Antebi’s chapter on marriage is excellent. I can’t say the same for her chapter on sex. A warning, “Keep This Book Away from Men!” decorates the front cover.

Here is more of her sage advice:

“It’s not the size of the house that will make you happy but the love in the home.”

“If you sell your soul when you’re young, you’ll pay the price when you are old.”

“Couples who go to pre-marital counseling are thirty percent less likely to be divorced than those who don’t.”

“If you act like a lady and look like a lady, you are more likely to be treated like a lady.”

For a good read, ladies, check out this book. You will have a lot of laughs and learn at the same time.

Author Donna Estes Antebi chose an intriguing title for her book, “The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper”. The book contains gems like this:

“It continues to be a man’s world in many ways. You need to know it, understand it, and find a way to make it work for you.”

“It’s not difficult to convince men to leave when the going gets rough, so don’t push your limits.”

“If you don’t want to marry a bartender, then don’t sleep with bartenders!”

“Sex has a way of disconnecting the brains from the hearts of even the most intelligent women.”

“Don’t live with a man unless you plan on marrying him. It’s as simple as that.”

Reading this book, like watching old movies, glaringly exposes the tremendous change in values that has occurred in my lifetime. Perhaps it has become increasingly difficult to develop soul mate relationships. For more about this interesting book check my next blog.

For a reminder of the importance of setting stellar priorities in relationship, check out the movie,”Tuesdays with Morrie.” The movie is based on Mitch Alborn’s best-selling book.

The story is about Alborn’s reconnecting with a beloved professor, Morrie Schwartz, who has been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease. After seeing this upbeat story you will never forget the importance of prioritizing relationship. Morrie valued life and showed how to live it fully. A great story and a great lesson in relationship.

You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. If you want a long-term soul mate relationship, choose your friends thoughtfully. I read a study today which said divorce goes up 75% if those around you are getting divorced.

It makes me wonder how influential are movies and other media we see? What causes a change in values? I watched my granddaughters play with their dolls this week. They were saying, “These two are sisters. This one is their step-father’s daughter from his first wife so she is their step-sister. This one is their half-sister born after their mother married their step-father. My granddaughters are 9 and 11 years old. Their parents are not divorced, but they have friends in the neighborhood whose parents are. I have heard other children play divorce.

Is this a reflection on changed social values and expectations? Will children who play divorce realize that to reap the joy of long-term relationship means commitment and hard work? Will they fantasize soul mate relationships that will elude them?

Born between 1946 and 1964, baby boomers already have a divorce rate triple that of their parents. They have started a new trend dubbed “gray divorce” splitting up after 20 or more years of marriage.

What does that mean? Are the baby boomers creating a cultural change or are they caught in one? Is it a part of a new value system? Are people still looking for an illusive soul mate, but not realizing they need to learn how to become one? Do people grow apart gradually and then find it difficult to get through the stressful transitions in life?

What is the chance of becoming soul mates in short term relationships or during the stress of aging? I welcome your comments.

Jacque was unable to access the comment box. She says: We have been truly blessed to have experienced the response to unconditional love. It cleared the path for relationship. We are grateful for understanding the concept and for the loving growth it helped to produce.

3. We love our children..correct? We do expect certain things from our children…correct? If our children do not meet these conditions, do we quit loving them? Some parents might quit loving their children, but the majority will continue to love their children no matter what reality is. These parents have unconditional love. They do not say, “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.” Though these parents may have the desire, they do not enforce it.

4. The most outstanding example of unconditional love is God’s love for us…..God desires I accept the fact that He died for me, but it is not a condition of his love. God’s love is true love. There are no conditions attached.

Unconditional love does exist. Can it exist between husband and wife? I believe it can. It may be rare, but if husband and wife work toward “serving” each other through God, then they can achieve unconditional love. Can unconditional love exist the moment a couple meet? God works in strange ways!