Connecting with Family at Christmas

Christmas provides an opportunity to connect with good friends and family. Every Christmas I look forward to a Christmas card from my Aunt Evelyn bringing me up to date on that part of my extended family. This year the Christmas greeting came from my Uncle Wayne via email. He let me know that he and Aunt Evelyn recently celebrated their 90th birthdays and 70th wedding anniversary.

Anut Evelyn can no longer write Christmas cards, something she has done all the years they have been married. She and Uncle Wayne met in high school. Soon after they married he joined the navy and became a World War II sailor. She always planned to go back to college when her youngest child reached Kindergarten. Twice, I believe, when that happened she became pregnant again. I don’t know if she ever got back to college.

Uncle Wayne has a smile and laugh that can light up a room. He and Aunt Evelyn spent seventy years together, some difficult, some wonderful. Probably the past year has been the most difficult, but to be together seventy years is a blessing. Happy Anniversary, Happy Birthday, and Merry Christmas, Uncle Wayne and Aunt Evelyn.

Reflections at Christmas

Can you remember the first Christmas you spent with the person with whom you chose to spend your life? For us the first Christmas came six months after we married in 1955. That Christmas magically let us recapture the excitement and joy we remembered as children. We had very little money. We cut our tree and decorated it with blue lights and a few ornaments. The joy and excitement came from just being together.

I taught school and Everett attended college so we had two full weeks to enjoy listening to Christmas music, staring wide-eyed at Christmas decorations on Fresno’s then famous Christmas tree lane, strolling through stores talking about what we would buy each other if we had money, telling each other stories about Christmas’s past. At night we would turn off all of the lights except our beautiful blue Christmas tree lights. We cuddled on an old second hand couch and dreamed about the beautiful future we had together.

This week we sat on our lovely leather love seat with multicolored lights on our floor-to-ceiling artificial Christmas tree and remembered those early Christmas’s and how exciting it was to be together. We both agreed it is still exciting in a deeply peaceful way. Christmas can still bring back an assurance that all is well if we sit still and take in the significance of Christ’s message of peace and good will.

I wish you all peace and love this Christmas!

Sea Walk–A Haven in the Storm

At the end of July we made reservations for our Christmas card writing getaway at Sea Walk on the Northern California coast. This beautiful condo overlooking the ocean can magically turn an overwhelming task into a boost to Christmas spirit. We sit at a dining room table looking out at waves crashing against rocks a few hundred feet away. This year our arrival at the coast coincided with the first of three powerful storms that hit the state of California. While writing our cards we watched rain drops chase each other down the window pane. Wind teased us sending us to the front door to see if anyone was knocking.

Six does paraded single file past our big window as if they had been sent to entertain us. One evening a young mother deer cautiously fed on the lawn in front of our window while her two young fawns curled up in the grass near her.

Trying to watch a football game on the screen of a tiny TV was frustrating, but who needs football when nature provides superior entertainment. Anyway, we share stories with each other best when electricity is sporadic or somewhat limited. During short breaks in the weather we left the warmth of the fireplace and walked past a cluster of deer feeding on the wet green grass, to watch huge waves crashing against the bluff at Black Point Bay.We loved the nights cuddling in a cozy warm bed upstairs listening to the powerful sound of the wind, the waves, and the rain battering the roof of the condo.

If you dread writing Christmas cards, choose a place like Sea Ranch as a getaway. Start saving your money in a special Christmas card writing account. You will begin to look forward to writing Christmas cards in December 2013.

Do You Connect or Disconnect at Christmas?

Are you someone who experiences Black Friday on and on during the days leading to Christmas or do you still get excited about the energy in the air during this special time of the year? The music, the shows, the lights, Christmas trees, shopping, eating, decorating, and the unusual flood of mail that comes through your mail box. Sometimes we have to create ways to connect. Six or eight years ago we decided to make Christmas card writing something to look forward to. We took our cards, address book and everything we needed to Lake Tahoe. We sat down soon after we had reached our timeshare and worked on Christmas cards. When we finished we had time to enjoy each other and the beauty of the mountains.

The next year we decided that the mountains in December can be a challenge because of the snow. We rented a condo for 3 days at Sea Ranch on the northern California coast. We have returned every December since then. The tiny post office at Sea Ranch is inundated with our 125 Christmas cards every year. We liked it so much we stayed an extra two nights at Sea Cliff in Gualala which is much cheaper and is also on the ocean. A Christmas card writing getaway transforms a formidable task into shared expectations of family, fun, and celebration.  Looking forward to this unique first event of the holiday season is a great way to increase Christmas fun and joy.

Like an enormous castle nestled protectively at the foot of the Tucson Mountain Park in southern Arizona is the Starr Pass Marriott Hotel. Just far enough away from the bustling city of Tucson to experience the vastness and serenity of the fascinating desert, but near enough when sitting on the terrace at night to be mesmerized by the beauty of thousands of glittering city lights. Music that didn’t intrude and small bonfires in pits contributed to a setting of complete relaxation and release from cares of every day life.

As Everett and I sipped a glass of wine with our son who lives in Tucson, conversation flowed effortlessly. It was an evening none of us will ever forget.

I had saved Marriott points for a long time so that we could stay at this beautiful place. The desert   grows towering saguaro, which can live 200 years, grow fifty feet tall and weigh more than ten tons. Wild life, including quail, roadrunners, woodpeckers, owls, hawks, desert tortoise, coyotes, jack rabbits and more live in the desert.

We discovered the desert and the hotel when we stayed at the nearby Starr Pass Timeshare. Bush bunnies, quail, birds of all kinds would eat together on our back step. We have taken long hikes in the desert. Once we saw a coyote trotting along a short distance from us with her two young pups. If you are looking for a getaway where letting go is easy, the Tucson Starr Pass Marriott Hotel may be just the place for you.

Little America–Cheyenne, Wyoming

When I was a little girl traveling with my family, I passed Little America for the first time. Cheyenne was a little town then and Little America was one of the first items on my beginning bucket list. More than half a century later it took an unplanned cross country trip with my lover to cross off this one.

Little America has everything a traveler crossing the plains could want. Beauty at an affordable price, cleanliness, friendly people, excellent food, tranquility, and a feeling of luxury in a rural atmosphere. Actually, it is located among trees, green lawns and a golf course at the edge of Cheyenne which is now a bustling city. When I first passed it the city was farther away.

The legend begins in the 1890’s when a young man herding sheep got lost in a blizzard and was forced to make a camp and spend the night where Little America is now located. He dreamed of creating a refuge for travelers with a crackling fire, a warm bed, and delicious food. In the 1930’s he saw Admiral Byrd’s picture of “Little America” in the Antarctica and it reminded him of his own isolation in the Wyoming blizzard. He created this oasis on the plains and it has become a part of the Grand America collection of fine hotels and resorts. Of course, he named his dream place “Little America” after Admiral Byrd’s refuge in the Antarctica.

If you travel Highway 80 past Cheyenne’s “Little America”, take a break even if there is no blizzard. You will be glad you did.

Three Week Get-Away

Strange as it may seem, every relationship can benefit from letting go and getting away from everything. Just the two of you leaving business responsibilities, pet care,  house and yard, and obligations to family and friends behind. Take a deep breath, look at each other with lover’s eyes, make no reservations and discover new places to relax and play.

In our case, it was an overdue trip to visit members of family we had not seen for years. We decided not to make reservations or tie ourselves to a schedule. Unexpected stops included a long traffic delay for a crash to be cleared; a stop at a garage to determine the damage done after hitting a large tumbleweed, trying to replace a dead battery in an old cell phone (we couldn’t!); arriving at Little America in Wyoming too early to stop, but loving it enough to stop anyway. One night we decided to stop at Champaign, Illinois after missing our exit at Bloomington. Homecoming weekend had caused doubled prices for the few rooms still available. So we drove with a full moon another half hour where we found a room for a reasonable price. That 30 minute ride with the full moon lighting our way could not have been planned. Very romantic!

The secret is in letting go. Breathe in calmness and peace and exhale tension and expectations. Three weeks practicing this kind of letting go helped us react to coming home to a pick-up that won’t start with nonchalant concern and finding 364 emails with a shrug. We hadn’t touched an electronic device and we are reluctantly trying to remember how important they are! The election has come and gone and we don’t even know how all of the propositions turned out. How is that for letting go?  I feel like I now have my  lover back, relaxed and taking things in stride. Expect more blog posts on this subject. Feel free to comment on your own letting go experiences.

If my wife is any barometer on adaptability, women are definitely more adaptable than men. They also tend to listen better than men, are able to articulate their feelings better than men, and better able to exhibit a servant’s heart in relationships. In the hundreds of couples we have coached over the years, women score significantly higher more often on “change” in their lives than men.

I love the way The Gorgeous Redhead models adaptability with such grace and tenderness that I am often shamed by my reticence to adapt and change and grow with her. I am a better man, by far, because of the gentle leadership she brings to our family in working together to adapt to the world as it is and to work diligently to make it the world we want it to be.

God bless women everywhere who have this gift naturally and those who cultivate it. May your tribe increase.

Monogamy Is Natural But Not Always Easy

Both sexes have the brain circuitry for deep attachment to a mate, but it isn’t always easy. We live in a world full of opportunities to send messages to the amygdala in our brains that will release the pleasure hormones that lead us to temptation. Mindful choices can lead to positive behavior.

Live Longer in Good Health

Monogamous marriage may be the answer to good health and happiness. According to the CDC, the married are less likely to smoke and drink heavily than people who are single, divorced, or widowed. They have reduced levels of sexually transmitted disease and lower rates of suicide.

Brain Scans Validate Soul Mate Status

Similar to the brain scans of those newly in love the soul mate scans show low activity in the areas of the brain where serotonin is produced. The difference for those still romantically in love after many years show activation in serotonin and opiad rich areas associated with elevated calmness and pleasure. “They are in the secure phase of love,” explains researcher, Bianca Acevedo of Cornell Medical College. “They still desire one another, they’re engaged, they experience the intensity–but not the anxiety.”
So there you have it. Brain study proof that couples, indeed, can learn to become soul mates!

Brain Research Gives Interesting Results

In our rapidly changing world more and more brain research has come up with knowledge about overeating, psychological problems, addictions, and much more. The Valentine’s Day issue of Parade featured an article on “The Science of Love” by Judith Newman. Researchers using MRI’s study brain activity for everything from diagnosing ADHD to the interplay of hormones and neurotransmitters experienced by couples who “fall in love”.

Brain Activity Related to Love

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter, is central to the brain’s reward circuitry. Norepinephrine, a stimulant related to dopamine can give energy, sleeplessness, elation, loss of appetite, butterflies in the stomach. Serotonin, a neurochemical that creates feelings of calm, is present in lower levels in those newly in love. There is a relationship between love and anxiety and fear. In 2004, researchers from Italy’s University of Pisa released a study that measured hormonal activity in 24 young people who reported having recently fallen in love. They had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than their workaday counterparts.

What Does Brain Research Mean for You?

Does the science of love mean we have no control over how we love? I don’t think so. It helps us understand how wonderfully we are created. Mindfulness can be a key to understanding how to love in positive ways. We can control what messages we send our brains. We can value and nurture trust which promotes greater activation in serotonin and opiad-rich areas associated with elevated calmness and leisure. That is what becoming soul mates is all about.