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Archive for Soul Mates
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| Partners in Change |
What is your perception about relationship? What are your expectations? These are important questions. When you and your partner understand relationship provides the opportunity to learn, grow and mature, you will see relationship in a new way. You will no longer believe that if your partner would change, you could have the relationship you have always dreamed of having. You will be looking for ways YOU can change and grow. You will look for a partner who is willing to learn and grow as well.
Relationship is difficult for everyone! Everyone has disagreements, misunderstandings, periods of feeling unloved. We are all unique and different from each other. A realistic approach to relationship
includes looking for a partner interested in learning, growing and changing with you as you both mature. You will share what you are learning. You will encourage each other and focus on each other’s strengths. You will share growth, appreciation and wonder. That is what makes love grow.
YOU WILL BE PARTNERS IN CHANGE instead of TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER!
Was This the Best One Yet at Sea Ranch?
We have celebrated many anniversaries at Sea Ranch and every time they have seemed like the best one yet. The sixty-first anniversary visit was no different. We both love the ocean. We can no longer walk the two plus miles to our favorite sit-down log, but we walked to our favorite bay . Just off the trail, we walked to our secret place. It opens to a beautiful hidden view of the ocean framed by heavy green growth. We couldn’t climb down to the edge like we used to do, because neither of us trust our sense of balance. We sat on the hard ground at the approach between the trees and enjoyed the sound and narrowed view of the ocean.
Five or six years ago our favorite room at Sea Ranch became unaffordable. Our 56th anniversary was the last anniversary we celebrated there. This year we decided to see if our room was available on lower cost week days. It was. We booked it for two full days and three nights. From start to finish it was everything we fantasized and hoped for. When we reached the coast south of Bodega Bay a sparkling blue ocean bathed in brilliant sunshine greeted us. Driving curvy Highway One up the cliffs past the little town of Jenner felt wonderfully familiar. We found a bottle of Champaign waiting for us in room ten. The room had been upgraded. Still no television, clocks or telephone, but elegant and uniquely rustic. Instead of telling each other our stories as the sun set each night, we reminisced and talked about stories we now share. Stories about the red fox we had seen one night and the day we saw a rabbit come running out of the woods followed by a coyote. He jumped into the river and swam to the other side evading the coyote. Not long after that a news story reported President Carter had seen a rabbit swimming. When the reporters joked about it, we knew the president was telling the truth.
We have seen a seal give birth, an osprey catch a fish, a big buck lead his harem of seven does proudly across the field in front of us. We have more stories together now than we had alone before we met. We both do remember and that is another blessing after sixty-one years! Three days of sunshine and balmy weather while people at home were enduring one hundred plus temperatures. If this anniversary was not the best one yet, it certainly came close!
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| Joy at a daughter’s wedding |
Joy comes in many forms: feeling free of addiction after months of failed attempts to break the chains, welcoming a dearly loved family member back after a long absence, skin touching skin with a loving spouse, having a purpose, seeing a new grandchild for the first time. In marriage, joy comes off and on, deepening with passing years as each partner learns to let go of fear and a need to change the other.
Greet each day in wonder. Expectations blind us from seeing the beauty of each other. What can I learn today about the amazing complexity of who I am and who my lover is? This is a lifetime challenge.
I have recently finished reading C.S. Lewis’s book Surprised by Joy for the second time. I read it the first time many years ago. Interestingly, what I got out of it this time was different. Joy does not come from seeking it. It comes as a surprise when we are able to finally discover the dimension of the spiritual part of ourselves. Letting go of expectations and opening up to beautiful differences between my self and those around me. Soul mates cannot find joy if they lose their own identity. It comes when we recognize and affirm the beauty in each other without comparison, expectations, and fear.
For more: get Elva’s book: “Becoming Soul Mates”. Order it from Amazon or at http://family1stbooks.com
Do you really know that person who sits across the dinner table day after day? Expectations make us blind to the gift of the person with whom we have chosen to spend our lives. There is no way life is supposed to be. There is only life.
As years go by, I realize some of my husband’s wonderful strengths become lost because I am so focused on what he should do or be. I am reinforcing his own focus on his weaknesses. We all have weaknesses and strengths. If we focus on the strengths we have twice as many as we have alone. Often each of us has the strengths that are our partner’s weaknesses. Wow! If we focus on each other’s strengths we have twice as many as we had alone.
Focus on the gift your partner is rather than the one you thought you wanted. Recognize the unimaginable challenge and opportunity to become more and more mature in faith, in love, and in joy. Embrace that opportunity to grow by accepting and learning from each other. Understand that relationship is the therapeutic process that can lead to satisfying maturity.
For more help order “BECOMING SOUL MATES” by Elva Anson at Amazon or http://www.family1stbooks.com .