Desire for Intimacy Depends on Different Levels of Differentiation
According to Dr. David Schnarch, expert on spirituality and sex, desire for intimacy depends on different levels of spirituality. He divides spirituality into two levels. Level one is childlike: a reflected sense of worth, other validated intimacy and desire out of emptiness. Level two is mature: internalized sense of worth, self-validated intimacy, and desire out of fullness.
It is a sophisticated way to say. “People who have more poker chips are willing to risk more.” People who have childlike needs focus on themselves and what they need while people who have internalized their sense of worth are focusing on the joy of giving to another. They don’t worry about losing what they have.
The joy in a mature relationship comes from being able to share with one’s lover what comes from overflow in themselves. They do not fear closeness or of losing who they are. The closeness becomes the validation that increases their sense of self and the differentiation from any other person. Two people in relationship who have become mature evolve into the soul mate relationship most people look for.