We have a mind and a will. Our emotions do not make our decisions for us, but they are very important to our understanding of who we are. Our emotions tell us what perceptions we have and when those perceptions need to be corrected and changed.
We need to ask ourselves. What is going on for me right now? Why am I making myself feel so angry, hurt, disgusted, disappointed or whatever the feeling is? Usually you can figure it out. Then examine the perception. How realistic is it? How important is it? Has it happened before? What can you do about it? Get down to the soft feelings underlying the reactive feelings. Then you can talk to your partner from softness rather than blame. You can use your mind and your will to decide what to do.
You can learn more by reading chapter 8,”Resolve the Complexity of Talking About Feelings” in my book, “Becoming Soul Mates”.