I particularly liked Chapter 5 from Dr. Greer’s book, “What About Me?” The title, “Loving Me Without Losing Us” deals with the age old question, how can I be who I am and still be connected to you? The second chapter of my book, “Becoming Soul Mates” is titled, “Begin with You”. It is fundamental to good relationships. If there is no you, there is no relationship.
Dr. Greer addresses her comments on what she calls “SelfNess” to martyrs and givers. She says martyrs and givers find their self esteem by meeting the needs of their significant others. “Their sense of self depends on what and how they give and do for their partners.” She gives illustrations and help for what’s behind this distorted perception and how you can work on putting higher priority on your own needs.
Intimacy seldom comes to people who don’t respect their own needs and set boundaries. We must be able to be who we are and stay emotionally connected to the other person who thinks, feels and believes differently without needing to change, convince, or fix him/her.