How often have you heard, “You can’t change another person”? Most of us have expectations or perceptions we don’t know we have. One of the most common is, if I love him/her enough, he/she will feel loveable and capable. It certainly helps to be loved, but the only person who can correct the distorted perceptions they developed as a child is the person who is that child grown up.
The most extreme example of adult distorted perceptions are people who grow up as survivors. They grow up truly victim and they learn to survive as victims. When they become adults they often don’t realize how much personal power they have. They may continue to live as victims rather than as free powerful adults.
Most of us know about books like, “Women Who Love Too Much”, “Co-dependent No More”, and “Men Who Hate Women”. We know we can’t love someone enough to cure addiction or deep seated fear of the other sex. If you marry someone who has unresolved issues about capability or self-worth, it may take a long time for that person to realize his/her own self power. People quick to take blame for things or think they have made a fool of themselves may find it hard to believe that everyone makes mistakes.
Love your mate or friend for who he/she is. Acceptance heals and will accelerate your mate’s ability to accept himself as loveable, as remarkable as it may seem. One of my readers responded to my last post, “How sad”. It is sad, but the therapeutic process continues for both of us. Knowing we are loved makes feeling loveable seem possible.