The Freedom to Feel What One Feels
Have you ever said, “You make me so angry” or “They make me so angry”? No one can make you angry. You make yourself angry about what others do or do not do. Owning your own anger and other feelings gives you self-power. If children were taught to think, “I am making myself angry about.”…….they would learn to own their feelings and not make themselves victims when they are not. Virginia Satir’s third freedom, “the freedom to feel what one feels, instead of what one ought” helps build self power.
Power Plays Work Against Good Relationships
When you do not know or own your own feelings, you do not feel congruent. Your relationships become a series of power plays with win/lose situations. When relationships become power plays, power is misused. Use feelings to identify what is going on for you. That leads to good choice making and becoming a responsible human being.
Self-Power Gives Energy to Connect
Self-power gives you energy to connect with another person. You can make the other person responsible for your feelings or you can make yourself responsible. “Making real contact,” says Satir, “means we make ourselves responsible for what comes out of us.”