Asking This Question Is a Good Beginning
Just asking this question indicates a strong positive mental attitude. Actively looking for what is right and how you can creatively make it better leads to other important questions. How can I learn and grow and support my partner’s learning and growing? What are the opportunities for loving and being loved? What new insights can I experience and how can I use them to increase intimacy and love? How can we embrace each other as special separate individuals and balance our union with our strengths and minimize our individual weaknesses?
Change Requires An Open Mind
Because you have spent years coming up with your interpretation of reality, it is not easy to challenge that. Change requires an open mind, a passion for learning, and a willingness to change. You must be willing to see yourself as lovable, capable, and competent. Good relationship seldom happens when one person sees himself as less than his partner.
Explore Weaknesses and Strengths Together
You can help each other become aware of distorted perceptions. That requires you to be strong, not fragile and easily hurt and defensive. Perhaps if you both take time to list what you perceive to be your own weaknesses and strengths first, you will be better equipped to consider which ones come from distorted perceptions which have led to limited confidence in what you can or cannot do. To make your marriage better, you must both focus on each other’s strengths. Just remember, whichever you focus on become twice as many as you had when you were single.